The following reflections appear in the Largs and Millport Weekly News on the four Wednesdays of June.

I. Self-knowledge

Somone was recently talking to me about the importance of knowing and telling your own story. He meant it in the sense of telling it to yourself. You’ve maybe noticed in bookshops how many “celebrities” write their first autobiography, and their phenomenal achievements (!), barely into their early twenties. Yet when I go round visiting in my parish, I hear of many better (and more interesting) stories and largely wonderful, yet unsung, achievements.

“Know thyself” is an ancient Greek saying which considers the telling of your own story as far more than tacky self-promotion. It prompts us to pursue a deeper self-awareness and, therefore, wisdom. Knowing your story (before telling it) is about grasping more fully who you are and what your core values are. The past is not just the wastebin of your present. Who you are today comes from who you were yesterday – and will be tomorrow. So, to be able to read and understand your past, in its shades and in its lights, is to try to understand your deepest self. It provides you with instruction and wisdom on how to form your actions and decisions today.

I write these words on the eve of Pentecost or Whitsun. It is a feast which commemorates the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on the followers of Jesus after he ascended into heaven. One of the gifts of the Spirit is knowledge. But it refers to knowing things from within God’s point of view. One of those “things” is yourself. Rabbie Burns once famously wrote that we might wish to see ourselves as others see us. With the Holy Spirit, we can go much further: we learn to see ourselves as God sees us, and even to see God’s presence in our past and present. Now that is an achievement.

II. Self-love

Most people have heard the words of Jesus, “love your neighbour as yourself.” These words feed the fundamental human instinct to be kind and helpful to others. They have contributed enormously across history and cultures to the efforts of individuals and groups to do good to others. History proves that human beings are capable of heroic generosity and self-sacrifice in every area of life.

But do we truly love ourselves? “Charity begins at home” – and our first home is our own heart! True self-love is not selfishness in any of its forms. Selfishness can appear to do good to self but, in reality, it only turns our passions inwards and distorts them. Our passions are really an inner fuel pushing us outwards to give ourselves for others and to give them life.

True self-love is often undermined from the start. We may never have felt truly loved even in early life. If so, then to love can be a tremendous challenge, impossible even. And yet, if we will but open up, there will always be hope that we will indeed be truly loved. And when that happens, then, no matter how loveless we may feel inside, self-acceptance and true self-love begin to dawn. When someone sees beyond whatever ugliness or shame I may see in myself to the hidden treasure of who I am in the depths of my heart, then the clouds and shadows inside begin to clear. When someone doesn’t define me by the failures which are part of me, then I can dare to have the courage to forgive myself. Such a someone is Jesus.

True love of self is the freedom of heart to see, first, the gift of love that I am simply because I am, and then to believe in that no matter what.

III. Self-giving

“No man is an island”, says the poet, John Donne. I hope it’s not unfair to suggest that our Western society, in promoting individualism, has at the same time, perhaps unwittingly, promoted aloneness and loneliness. Now, protecting our independence, rights and personal dignity is most certainly not an expression of individualism. But it could become so if it’s not married to that deeper human need to love and be loved, to welcome and be welcomed, to accept and be accepted.

Community is difficult to build if we are averse to reaching out, with the risks which that sometimes entails, but also for the great rewards that it very often brings. Sometimes people can be afraid to reach out because they have been hurt in the past. While that deserves all our compassion and understanding: is being locked up in that hurt all alone the best way to find healing? Sometimes, people may think that they have nothing to offer, either because they have been cruelly led by others to believe that or because of low self-esteem. But surely the greatest thing anyone can offer to others is their own self, who they are, their smile and sense of humour, their chat and the hidden resources of mind and soul within them which inevitably shine through.

This is a big subject, and a few lines won’t cover it, but perhaps they can start a conversation or a personal reflection. The plague of loneliness and isolation today is well-documented, and it will be as present in our localities as anywhere else. So, what (more) can we do to breathe into our towns an even greater spirit of community and closeness which remains fully respectful of the individual but which offers solace and hope to many who suffer in silence behind closed doors?

IV. Self-care

Around this time of year, many go on holiday. Some will travel. Others will just be taking it easier at home. For yet others, especially the sick and housebound, one day will be very much like another.

Whether we go away or remain at home, let’s take some extra time in the summer to care for our soul, for our deeper self, our heart. Let’s give our heart and soul some TLC and ask them, “how are you, my heart? how are you, my soul?” We must of course take good care of ourselves physically, emotionally and intellectually, and use our holiday time to rest and relax. What can happen, though, is that, spurred on by the contemporary focus on externals and busy-ness, we forget to care for the inner depths of who we are. Indeed, sometimes we can be searching, even frenetically, for something “out there” to give us a sense of well-being when, in fact, it is already “in here”, in our own heart. We just haven’t taken the time to look.

Happiness, peace, justice and all the other magnificent spiritual values of human life will never be found in society if they are not first found within our own spirit. Resolving deep feelings of unease, of conflict, of unfulfillment, can’t happen by hoping they will go away or by compensating for them in other, sometimes harmful, ways. We need rather to slow down, sit down, turn off the noise, take some deep breaths and calmly take stock of where such feelings are coming from, perhaps with the help of a friend or confidant. That can then lead to calm and realistic decisions, to a journey out of our turmoil. By doing this, we will give our heart and soul a “holiday” far better than any exotic tour.